The Cleaning Fairy

Have you ever wondered how your rubbish bin comes to be miraculously empty every morning? How the coffee stains on your desk are just magic-ed away overnight?

IT’S ME GUYS!

I am the cleaning fairy.

My current selection of employment for my money-making summer includes a cafe and specialty foods shop, a catering company and a cleaning franchise. I have my finger in all pies, which guarantees regular income and versatility, which is fabulous for people who get bored easily like myself.

Cleaning is perhaps not the most glamorous of occupations, but it is top notch for those days when you don’t particularly want to talk to people or make an effort with your appearance. I scrape my hair back into a wee alfalfa, pop on my large blue cleaning shirt and black pants, fill my drink bottle, strap on my strap-on vacuum cleaner (yup, I do that), and I’m away!

In general, I find that unappealing situations in life can become far more appealing, when one is willing to laugh at oneself.

For example, when I am down on hands and knees in a kindergarten scraping play dough off the carpet with a piece of lego, with a hefty hoover bumping me on the back of the head, I like to think, “I wonder what I look like from behind right now?”

Or when I am vacuuming in a classroom and the vacuum cleaner lead gets tangled in a chair and the chair falls off the desk which creates a domino effect on all the other chairs in the room, and I rush around trying to put them all up again only to remember I am still wearing the vacuum cleaner, it has been following me, and I have created a labyrinth of vacuum lead which I must retrace or forever remain entangled in its sucky embrace. It would be a horrible end.

Or when I am bent over, hoovering under a desk intently, when the kindergarten parrot begins to sing a serenade, and wolf whistle until I straighten up and give him a reprimanding look, as if to say, “you cheeky parrot, you”. I’ll be honest with you, its the most attention I get these days, and I am beginning to look forward to our meetings. Love you Paz.

I think the worst is when there are ACTUAL HUMANS in the room when these things happen. In general it is just middle-aged women marking school papers, but every now and then the sexual physical education teacher turns up, and I just can’t look him in the eye when I’m wearing a vacuum cleaner backpack with straps around my waist, and a very Rosie-glow sheen in the face.

I have a lot of time to think, so sometimes I entertain fantasies of myself arriving at the school as a teacher, and Mr PE teacher is a cleaner, and the tables are TURNED, and I have the power, and I make him vacuum everywhere while I watch. I’ll show him physical education! Pah!

Sometimes I think I have too much time to think, which is when I start listening to podcasts, about a vast variety of things. Aliens, Murder, Gardening, Films, Politics (But not really cos I just don’t quite care enough), Food (which just makes me hungry and certainly consider taking an apple from the kindergarten fruit bowl), Travel, Things I Didn’t Know Which I Should, Things I Think I Know But Actually I’m Wrong, Superfoods and Why Are They Super (Indeed!)…. The list goes on.

It is a bit of a skill to take work that people may look down upon (quite literally, when I am under the desk), and turn it into an opportunity for humour, education, and a perspective on life from a different standpoint.

Next time you sharpen your pencil onto the floor, take a little moment to thank your cleaning fairies.

We know whats in your rubbish bin. Wink Wink.

Christmas Holidays, New Zealand Style

Its all been a bit quiet here for a while… Yours truly has been busy flying home from Europe, catching up with friends, and adjusting back into having a normal job in peaceful, sunny Nelson.

Having been away for 18 months, coming back to Nelson was a bit of a shock to the system initially – everything seemed to be in high definition, without the grey skies and smog of a lot of European cities. Even when the sun shines in Ireland, it never seems to be quite as bright as here. I spent my first couple of weeks soaking up the long daylight hours, doing quite a lot of sleeping and working most days to boost the ol’ bank account. My mum, my brother and I also did a hike in the Nelson Lakes which was a nice wee family bonding time.

Christmas was at home in Nelson, where we all wore matching elephant pants and santa hats (christmas present from my brother, recently returned from work in South-East Asia), and I was lucky enough to receive a camera from him aswell, obviously to document the spectacle. We ate outside in the sun and went for a swim in the river to work off the excess consumption.

There’s been a healthy dose of holiday time over Christmas and New Years, which we spent in Wanaka at a lovely bach, with adventure on our door step. (I did quite a lot of time lolling about in the pool, trying to SUP on a boogie board and playing amateur water volleyball with the others.. there were a few bikini malfunctions).

On the drive down we stopped overnight at Birdsong Backpackers in Hokitika, on the wild West Coast. I can definitely recommend it if you’re passing through, and its quite different to some of the hostels I stayed at in Europe – probably because it’s family run and a bit more personal. We had a little unit to ourselves with a kitchen, bathroom and outdoor area, and upstairs in the communal area there is another big kitchen and dining room, overlooking the sea. Jeananne and I felt we should maintain some attempt at health and wellbeing on our holiday, so we went for an evening jog into the town and down to the beach, with a detour to the Glow Worm Dell (sadly it was too light to see any wormies).

The next day we continued on to Wanaka to our delightful house in town, with a pool, spa, big front lawn and spacious living area. I slept on the floor in a swag, (we ended up having more people than beds), which I was a bit apprehensive about but actually I think it was the best deal. I could sleep with the door open on hot nights, and I basically had a double bed to sprawl about in. I just feel sorry for the early risers in the house who had to wake me from my slumber.

We went cycling, walking, hiking, swimming, yoga-ing, drinking, eating, luging (on our day trip to Wanaka and Arrowtown) and wine and cheese tasting, so I feel it was a healthy balance of indulgence and exertion. Very different from the holidays in the UK, where the weather is usually too cold and miserable to leave the house for very long.

On the way home we stopped in Kumara, a tiny gold mining town, and spent the night at The Theatre Royal Hotel which was furnished with antiques (and very comfy beds). We had a delightful meal of locally sourced goods and consumed several beverages, before retiring to our grand rooms, just like the good old days…

On our last day we stopped in Punakaiki to check out the pancake rocks and the blowholes (teehee).

It’s nice to be a tourist in my own country – I’m sure a lot of tourists have seen more of New Zealand than I have!

Happy New Year! I hope your 2015 is filled with adventure.

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