It’s all fun and games, until someone gets enlightened

Tis my fourth and final week in this bizarre, mind boggling place. On a regular basis I do wonder how I got here and what made me stay once I was here. It’s incredibly hard coming straight into someone’s life and having to conform to how they have lived for so many years, including how they wash the dishes and what they eat for dinner every day. But you have to respect that it is their home, and you are a visitor. Still, I have to bite my tongue on a regular basis, and most of the spiritual and religious stuff here would be enough to make a lot of people run away, fast. This is what my friends and family thought;

‘The challenging things are always the most rewarding’,

‘Stick at it for a few days and see how you go’,

‘Go to the shop and buy a stash of chocolate and eat it when no-ones looking’,

And mostly; ‘Get the f**k out of there, it sounds like a nut house and I don’t want you to turn into an alternative living vegan freak who smells like vegetables all the time. I won’t go places with you any more.’

You guys got my back. But at the end of the day, I knew I would stay. Even when I felt a violent urge to run away. Even when I started looking closely at the pictures on the walls, posters stating ‘UFO’s: Why Are They Here?’ and the such. It’s quite alarming when you come out of your room in the morning, dazed from sleep, and are abruptly confronted with an image of the guru, staring directly at you, asking you why you weren’t up at 6 that morning to honour him? Sorry dude, you don’t scare me. Its especially hard to resist the urge to run away when your host openly weeps in front of you the day after you arrive, dropping to her knees to tap her chest and release emotion from the heart chakra.

People around me being so open about their emotions really freaks me out. I don’t know why, but I just want them to shut up and tell me they are fine. You know when you ask someone how they’re doing? Normal people might say, ‘yeah, not bad!’, or ‘I’m fine, how are you?’

Not in this house. Oh no. You’ll think twice before asking around here. Picture this: 7.30am, you nip out of your room to the bathroom. You run into a skinny woman with wild eyes, wearing small boy’s flannelette pyjamas and carrying a tray of wheatgrass. You say, ‘How did you sleep’?

WELL! WELL! I COULDN’T SLEEP UNTIL ABOUT 2AM BECAUSE I HAD A LOT OF VIBRATIONS AFTER THAT FILM WE WATCHED LAST NIGHT ABOUT THAT MAN WHO DESERTED ALL HIS MATERIAL POSSESSIONS AND WENT OFF THE GRID AND THEN DIED IN A CARAVAN! I MEAN, I REALLY HAD TO SIT ON THE GROUND AND RELEASE ALL OF MY BLOCKS! YOU KNOW? OH AND THAT REMINDS ME, HAVE YOU THOUGHT ANY MORE ABOUT THAT OTHER THING? AND THAT OTHER THING? AND COULD YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU GET A MINUTE?

Ommmmmm.

After a while, I realised I had to use this place as a lesson. A lesson in how not to be. I’m not saying its bad to talk about how you feel – am definitely learning to stand up for myself and say what’s on my mind every now and then. Which is a big deal for me! In general I like to avoid all confrontation.

I’m just saying that for somebody who has dedicated a lifetime to health and reaching a level of ‘higher consciousness’, she does not seem to be a happy, focussed or balanced person.

All due credit to her for the work she does, and her passion for helping people, because I have learnt so much about health whilst working here, and it is pretty awesome to have that knowledge. But I do think you can take it all a bit too far.. There comes a time when you have to ask yourself, am I making myself happy by doing liver flush every morning instead of a nice cup of tea? Am I really so toxic that I need to detoxify all day every day? How many blocks can one person truly have? What am I going to do when I reach this higher consciousness? Do I just keep on going, up and up, until I’m in the clouds? Where does actual LIVING come into it?

I’m going to take away from here all that I’ve learnt about yoga, how to cook green vegetables in many versatile, exciting ways, and how to be selective in a world full of overwhelming information on health and nutrition.

Also I am going to take my enema kit.

Haha! Joking. Kinda.

What can I say, weird is contagious.

Kayla getting her weird on