Let’s disco!

Anyone who knows me well enough to have partied with me, will know that I am a dancing MACHINE in da club. I pay no interest to my surroundings, I clamber on to tables, I shake what my mumma gave me and feel the rhythm flow through me like a tambourine. It’s become something of a joke between certain groups of my friends (you know who you are) that if you give Rosie enough beverages, she will climb onto an elevated surface and dance like nobody’s watching. (Except usually people are watching, which makes things awkward). She will throw her hair around like Britney Spears, and if Flo Rida comes on the beatbox then you had better lock up your children.

Needless to say, I haven’t really had the opportunity to hit the clubs whilst in Combe Martin, and I’ve been getting a bit restless for party time. Last night, my wishes were granted in the form of an ‘Ecstatic Dance Group’. Not my usual choice, but I will try anything once.

A woman who lives up the road has just returned from India, having been there for a month training in Ecstatic Awakening Dance and Yoga. She wanted to try out her newfound teaching skills and so we applied sturdy sports bras, got a group together in the living room and cleared out all the furniture. We were told to keep our eyes closed through the whole two hour class, because this type of dance is more of a meditation, where we look inside ourselves rather than at others.

We warmed up by just bopping along slowly to some wailing Indian music, rather self-consciously. I laughed to myself, once again, about the situations I find myself in, far too regularly. I was scared to move out of my little bubble, for fear of being hit by a flailing limb.

Prior to the class we had been warned that some bed and breakfast guests may arrive mid-class, I couldn’t help but wonder what they would think when they peeked through the door and saw a group of people, flopping their limbs around with their eyes closed.

The next part of the class was the Kundalini shake, which is meant to shake up all the energy in the body and work up to the ‘release dance’. It’s all quite sexual, really.

The motion was a sort of bouncing upwards and downwards from the knees and pelvis. I began a mild thrust then realised it was up and down, not back and forth. Awkward.

My knees jarred self consciously on every third or fourth bounce, and I giggled to myself as I thought about how I nearly wore a less supportive sports bra. I would have been unconscious on the ground at this point, had that been the case. I began to vibrate slightly, which was alarming.

Then we RELEASED THE ENERGY! I had acquired a lot of energy, and ideas for moves that would be really awesome. Every time we felt ourselves getting too carried away with distracting thoughts, such as “what the shit do I look like right now?”, we were to come back to the breath of fire, which went something like this: “sniff sniff haaaaaa, sniff sniff haaaa”.

Every time I got bored with my moves of squatting and shaking and swinging, I automatically opened my eyes a little bit, then forced them closed again (not without taking a peek at what the others were doing….sssshh.) Stewart was wandering about with his hips leaning forward and chin tucked in, fluttering his hands gently. Katherine was raging in the corner, threatening to smash the window pane with her jutting elbows. Somebody was rolling about on the ground, running their hands through their hair, another was crumpling gently in the corner to the rhythmic bump of an Indian drum.

I’m not going to tell you what I was doing, but I can assure you I had the best moves.

To conclude the class we did a meditation and joined hands in a circle…. Cute.

I felt so energised and wonderful afterwards, I went for a walk in the darkness to the beach! Dancing is good for your soul, and everyone should do it, no matter how much of a knob you feel like. If it’s really a problem, just close your eyes.

See, I thought I’d covered all the weird stuff, but it just keeps coming! Three more days here – who knows what could happen.

A little secret? I am scared to leave, and face the real world again… How am I going to deal with all of the choices I have to make, such as whether to drink red wine or white!?

I can’t even think about that right now.

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Rehab.

Whoooeeeeeee.

I didn’t do an update yesterday on my progress because I couldn’t really move my body, let alone my brain. Life was hard yesterday.

Day Two was definitely the hardest day, I was feeling completely exhausted, shakey and nauseous. All of the toxins from 6 months of partying around Europe and Christmas shandies seemed to be coming out in my lovely face, which is not sexy. I had a good sleep for about two hours after the morning Sadhana, and missed the disgusting clay drink (thank the Lordy).

Probably the high point of my day was experiencing my first coffee enema. I say this sarcastically. I told my mother I was going to bite the bullet and do one, because it is apparently an important part of the detox program. She said; “OK, so long as you don’t talk about it on your blog..”

Sorry mum, just briefly, ITS VERY ODD. Mostly because as I was trying to relax and stare nowhere but the ceiling, a certain someone came into the room next to me and began loudly feeding the cat; “Here, puss puss puss! Come and get it!”.

There are no words.

Moving on from that enriching experience…. I have been consuming Liver Flush, Clay Milkshake, Green Shit (my name for wheatgrass, ginger, courgette, cucumber, and POTENT celery) with some minerals every morning. Then a large amount of salad for luncheon, perhaps with some sprouted nuts and home made hummus as a companion. Then in the afternoon another Clay Milkshake, more yoga and then a light dinner of soup and salad. So exciting.

Today’s dawn rising was not so bad, probably because I knew I would never have to do it again, ever. I even began to know some of the chanty words and belted out the tunes with the best of them. I think they were all slightly stunned that I was actually sitting upright, let alone participating in the chants. I quite enjoyed the yoga itself. The hardest Kriya was on Day Two, because between every exercise we had to lie down and do a short relaxation, then get up again and get physical. Apparently it was a Kriya for bowel health, as if we needed any more impacting on that area. Every time I began to relax and slide into happy sleepy sheepskin land, we were told to stand up again. It was essentially sleep torture.

So now it is Sunday night, Kayla and I did a yoga class this evening and then a laughter meditation. If you haven’t ever done this and feel like you need to release some tension… It’s the best thing. The Chopra Center does an online meditation course called 8 Weeks to Happiness, and on the last week they do a laughter meditation. For the first 5 minutes you listen to a group of people laughing manically, which made me laugh because it was so weird, so then Kayla started laughing at me laughing, then I started laughing at her weeping, then we both just lost it thinking about all the weird shit we’ve dealt with in the last three days. This place…. Sheesh.

I also am getting much better at my headstands! Today I managed to lift my legs slowly up without having to throw them at the wall to get them up. Then I balanced there for a while with no support. Must be all the weird sucky sucky abdominal exercises we’ve been doing in Kundalini.

Tomorrow I have a day off and am hopefully going hiking somewhere, weather dependent. To be honest I will probably just go regardless, gotta get out of the crazy house. I don’t think I’ve left the building for about 4 days, I am so pale I could be an axolotl. So cute.

I’m off to bed to sleep this weekend off, like a bad bad dream.

P.s. Today Katherine wore floral jeans, a Golden Fleece, a pink scarf wrapped around her midriff, and a white hat with two pom poms that make her shadow look like a baby teddy bear. She crazy, but she got style….

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Raising the Kundalini, like a boss.

Raising the what now? The Kundalini! This is a style of yoga that is considered to be the “yoga of all yogas”, the yoga for “people going places”. I like to think I’m going places, but really I’m a bit of a novice when it comes to the hefty breath work and 10 minute chanting meditations involved in Kundalini… I’m not one to say no to free yoga classes so I went along.

I have only done two classes so far and they are very different from the other styles of yoga I’ve done over the years. The thing I like most is that you don’t use a normal yoga mat, oh no, you use a giant SHEEPSKIN! So cushy.

Yesterday’s class involved of going into downward dog, then putting one leg up in the air like a dog going to the toilet, then doing press ups with your body still in a v shape. Oh boy, I was panting like a dog. And we did that for a solid 5-7 minutes. To some that may not sound like many minutes, but trust me, it’s a killer.

Then we moved on, to sitting in lotus pose (which I can’t really do comfortably so I just sit cross legged), and holding your arms out front, hands entwined. Then you lift up, and down, and up,and down, breathing in and out, getting faster and faster, until you begin to feel all weird and dizzy and have to bury your head in the sheep skin for a while. At least that’s what I felt was right for me.

We continued to do similar exercises that made me feel like I was hyperventilating (am I doing it wrong??). Then we lay down and did a shavasana on the sheepskins. My favourite time of day.

Then came the communal chanting meditation section of class. Always provides quality entertainment, occasionally a spiritual breakthrough and pretty much never makes me feel 100% comfortable.

Deep breath in, suck in your anus and sex organs (his words not mine), chant “ek ooooooong kaaaaaa, sat naaaaam kirileeeee, wahe guru!”. You must really hiss the ek and the wa.

Essentially the idea is that every time you breath in you suck in so that the kundalini energy is raised a little higher, until it pops out the top of your head and you become an all-wise guru, who sees all with his third eye. Or her third eye, in my case, because I totally managed the full expression of this chant. I am MASTER.

Haha! Kidding,. I kept forgetting the words. If you would call them words. So mostly I hummed along tunefully. This lasted approximately 10 minutes, continuous chanting. Thoughts popped into my head like “did someone do a fart, or was it just a hiss?”, “how long has it been?”, “my legs need unfolding”, and mostly “I wonder what we are having for dinner”.

I’m becoming more spiritual everyday, can’t you tell?

Anyhoo, I’m off to yoga to practice my headstand! My mission is to be able to do one without the wall by the time I leave here in 2 weeks time. Eek.

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