Rehab.

Whoooeeeeeee.

I didn’t do an update yesterday on my progress because I couldn’t really move my body, let alone my brain. Life was hard yesterday.

Day Two was definitely the hardest day, I was feeling completely exhausted, shakey and nauseous. All of the toxins from 6 months of partying around Europe and Christmas shandies seemed to be coming out in my lovely face, which is not sexy. I had a good sleep for about two hours after the morning Sadhana, and missed the disgusting clay drink (thank the Lordy).

Probably the high point of my day was experiencing my first coffee enema. I say this sarcastically. I told my mother I was going to bite the bullet and do one, because it is apparently an important part of the detox program. She said; “OK, so long as you don’t talk about it on your blog..”

Sorry mum, just briefly, ITS VERY ODD. Mostly because as I was trying to relax and stare nowhere but the ceiling, a certain someone came into the room next to me and began loudly feeding the cat; “Here, puss puss puss! Come and get it!”.

There are no words.

Moving on from that enriching experience…. I have been consuming Liver Flush, Clay Milkshake, Green Shit (my name for wheatgrass, ginger, courgette, cucumber, and POTENT celery) with some minerals every morning. Then a large amount of salad for luncheon, perhaps with some sprouted nuts and home made hummus as a companion. Then in the afternoon another Clay Milkshake, more yoga and then a light dinner of soup and salad. So exciting.

Today’s dawn rising was not so bad, probably because I knew I would never have to do it again, ever. I even began to know some of the chanty words and belted out the tunes with the best of them. I think they were all slightly stunned that I was actually sitting upright, let alone participating in the chants. I quite enjoyed the yoga itself. The hardest Kriya was on Day Two, because between every exercise we had to lie down and do a short relaxation, then get up again and get physical. Apparently it was a Kriya for bowel health, as if we needed any more impacting on that area. Every time I began to relax and slide into happy sleepy sheepskin land, we were told to stand up again. It was essentially sleep torture.

So now it is Sunday night, Kayla and I did a yoga class this evening and then a laughter meditation. If you haven’t ever done this and feel like you need to release some tension… It’s the best thing. The Chopra Center does an online meditation course called 8 Weeks to Happiness, and on the last week they do a laughter meditation. For the first 5 minutes you listen to a group of people laughing manically, which made me laugh because it was so weird, so then Kayla started laughing at me laughing, then I started laughing at her weeping, then we both just lost it thinking about all the weird shit we’ve dealt with in the last three days. This place…. Sheesh.

I also am getting much better at my headstands! Today I managed to lift my legs slowly up without having to throw them at the wall to get them up. Then I balanced there for a while with no support. Must be all the weird sucky sucky abdominal exercises we’ve been doing in Kundalini.

Tomorrow I have a day off and am hopefully going hiking somewhere, weather dependent. To be honest I will probably just go regardless, gotta get out of the crazy house. I don’t think I’ve left the building for about 4 days, I am so pale I could be an axolotl. So cute.

I’m off to bed to sleep this weekend off, like a bad bad dream.

P.s. Today Katherine wore floral jeans, a Golden Fleece, a pink scarf wrapped around her midriff, and a white hat with two pom poms that make her shadow look like a baby teddy bear. She crazy, but she got style….

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Detox Day One: Semi-Conscious, Fully-Hungry

‘Twas a dark and stormy night, and tensions were mounting in the household as we all prepared mentally and physically for the weekend ahead. Mungbeans were a-sprouting, nuts were a-soaking, kale was a-waiting to be eaten, shivering in the corner, crying “not my whole family!”, as we sliced and diced kale’s Uncle Cabbage. A vegetable rampage of sorts.

I was feeling excited, nervous, apprehensive, mostly at the thought of getting up at 4.30am to sit on a sheepskin and chant surrounded by people dressed in white. Apparently wearing white doubles the size of your aura! Fun fact of the day.

I didn’t put much thought into what we would be eating, because I assumed it couldn’t get too much healthier than what we were already eating on a daily basis. Right?

Wrong.

I’ll give you a wee run down on my morning, you guys are gonna be so jealous of all my activities. It’s like I’m back in play school, working with clay and painting rainbows. Except it’s not.

4:41am: awoken by Kayla’s freakishly cheerful face, pronouncing she is going to take a cold shower to really get involved! I promptly fall back to sleep.

4:45am: actual alarm goes off, i weep a little inside. I’m a 7.30am kind of girl, for those of you who don’t know me. This feels like the middle of the night.

5:01am: stumble upstairs to yoga sanctuary, wrap pink blankets around myself and huddle on a sheepskin. Begin chanting (and by chanting I mean bobbing my head and humming softly to the tune of others chanting).

5:30am: complete chanting, begin Kriya. Popping and locking my stomach muscles like it’s my JOB. Feeling strong and powerful.

5.45am: popping and locking still, growing tired, muscles becoming floppy.

6:15am: FAAAAAAH are we done yet?

6:30am: complete Kriya, begin singing. Don’t know what I’m singing, but I’m sure I sound beautiful. Probably some subliminal messaging weaving it’s way in with every line.

7:00am: EVERYBODY SHUT UP CAN’T YOU SEE I’M TRYING TO SLEEP OVER HERE?

7:30am finish singing. Energy restored from tactical mid-song nap. Head downstairs for Liver Flush, favourite time of day that.

9:00am I mix together gelatinous bentonite clay and psyllium husk with water until it’s gloopy and looks like what one would imagine elephant snot to look like. Down it in one, tis the only way. I chase with yogi tea, do not allow my taste buds to become active for a good 45 seconds post-chug. I pretend it is the vessel in a drinking game, and also pretend I am very drunk and cannot taste anything.

9:30am: force stems of organic celery, courgette and cucumber into rustic juicer machine, the machine becomes constipated with fibre and have to unblock. Perhaps a sign of things to come. I was quite looking forward to drinking my green juice, thinking it would be fruity and jazzy. I take an enormous sip with great gumption (and hunger). No. NO. That’s bad.

10am: Sleep in a dreamy, mildly sweaty state. Body is being very quiet, i sense it is the calm before the storm.

12pm: Could smash a pie!

More yoga soon, then a POTATO! I’m so excited!!!

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So fresh and so clean

Just when I thought it couldn’t get much more intense…… It got much more intense.

Today Kayla and I were asked if we would like to participate in the 3 day Kundalini Yoga Raw Cleanse this weekend. That’s a pretty full on combination of things to throw at me before 9.30 in the morning.

Whilst we have been eating a really healthy, whole foods plant based diet, we haven’t been doing the full on raw cleanse, so I was pretty excited to be given the opportunity. People that come here to participate pay around £400 for the weekend, and we get to do it for free! I think it’s because there is one lady coming and they don’t want her to feel awkward doing it all by herself in the low season. So basically I am rent-a-crowd.

So I cried ‘Hell yeah! Sign me up!’, not fully grasping the kind of commitment I was making.. We were then given a detailed run-down of what each day would entail;

4:30 TAKE A COLD SHOWER

5-7:30AM​ AQUARIAN SADHANA

7:30AM ​LIVER FLUSH (Whole citrus, organic extra virgin olive oil, chilli, ginger and garlic)

9:00AM ​ABSORBER/SHAKE (Bentonite clay and psyllium)

10:00AM ​GREEN JUICE

10:30AM ​LOCAL WALK OR REST TIME

12:30PM ​RAW LUNCH PREP

1:00PM ​RAW OR VEGETARIAN LUNCH

2:00PM ​FREE TIME

4:00PM ​ABSORBER/SHAKE

4:30 – 6PM ​KRIYA AND MEDITATION

7:00PM ​DINNER: JUICE/RAW OR COOKED VEGETARIAN/VEGAN OPTIONS

8:00PM ​CHANTING/MUSIC, FILM OR RELAXATION

Golly! So much fun packed into one day! An Aquarian Sadhana is a combination of meditation, Kriyas and chanting. A Kriya is a set of yoga exercises, kind of like those super hard dizzy ones I described in my previous post. The cold shower is apparently optional, I feel like I will just be rolling out of bed and up to the yoga sanctuary at 5 to 5.

And on top of that, we have been asked if we would like to do enemas to assist with the detoxification process…

Ew. Giggle.

Starting Friday, I’m gonna be one HANGRY female.

Another fun sexy day in the life! I changed my blog tag-line from “in search of the good life” to “in search of tales worth telling”, because I feel like so far this probably isn’t the GOOD life, but it’s definitely worth telling people about. So that they can send me care packages. Yusssss thanks mum for the 70% Lindt chocolate I got in the mail today. Kisses.

Wish me luck!

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Nutter.

Today I had a weak moment, and turned to comfort in the form of chocolate. But it wasn’t even normal, dairy milk chocolate. It was dark chocolate covered NUTS! As if I don’t have enough nuts in my life right now.

I probably had a weak moment because it’s Valentine’s Day and I was so overwhelmed with all of the flowers and things that I received. Yeah, that was it.

So Kayla and I took a trip to the local shop, purchased one small bag of chocolate covered nuts and ate them whilst discussing how they didn’t even taste that good, and we probably would have preferred to have dates. As in the dried fruit. Or actual dates with men, that would have been acceptable.

I did meet a nice young man on the street the other day, but I think in hindsight I only liked him because he was holding two cups of coffee, and I thought maybe if we got chatting he would give me one of them…..

Let’s just say the men of Combe Martin aren’t too forthcoming with the romance. I think most of them probably have bad backs and poor hearing, which is no good to me.

Despite a slight detox wobble, today started off very well! We arose early for a hike up the mountain (yes, the love mountain), and walked for a good hour uphill until we came across a gypsy van overturned in a field from the wind. We then realised it wasn’t going to be much fun up on the mountain in gale force winds and hail, so we made the executive decision to head back home for a cup of tea. It was wet and wild, and not in an attractive way.

Disclaimer: that is not my jacket, it was like wearing a big white blanket of hugs and I loved it but it wasn’t sexy, I know this. Maybe I don’t have a Valentine because these are the clothes I choose to wear? Nah.

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Tonight it’s film night! We are apparently watching a film about a woman who has discovered her life purpose is to raise the earths vibrations.

I’ll keep you posted on that one…

Hope your Valentines Day was a bit more sexy than mine!

My new favourite thing.

Guess what? It’s food related. Yup.

Today I made gluten free, sugar free, dairy free if you don’t count eggs, banana bread! Wowzer!

I know what you’re thinking, what the shit is in it then? Because I am so generous I’m going to share with you.

1 oz raisins
1/2 c warm water
5 ripe bananas
2 cups gluten free flour blend
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp sea salt
3/4 cup olive oil
2 eggs
1/2 tsp vanilla extract

1. Soak raisins in the water (preferably overnight but I was too impatient)
2. Process the bananas and raisins together in blender
3. In bowl, combine flour, baking soda and salt
4. In large bowl beat together oil, eggs and vanilla
5. Add banana purée to the liquid mixture
6. Stir in dry ingredients (don’t overdo the mixing)

Bake in a wee loaf tin at 180 degrees for 45-60 minutes.

We also made a loaf with spelt flour, which didn’t need quite so much oil. Gluten free baking can be quite dry so you want to up the moist ingredients. I hate the word moist but it was the only one that would do in this situation. Sorry.

In other news, today there has been much hail in Combe Martin. All the Martians came out to play. Kayla and I realised that we hadn’t been outside in about 3 days so we rugged up, approximately 7 layers of clothing, and weathered the storm for a walk to the beach. I darn nearly got beached by a gigantic demon wave while Kayla stood bravely at the waters edge, until she realised her gumboots were leaking then she too ran for cover. We clambered up through the ‘doggy exercise’ zone, realised it was a dead end and had to hop a fence, fell in some bushes, nearly ripped my pants, stood on the cliff and felt philosophical for a while until I realised I was freezing.

Went home and ate some green things, followed by banana bread. Everything’s better when followed by banana bread.

Here’s a pic of my green juice this morning, it isn’t really anything to do with my blog post today but I just want to show you all how tasty my breakfast is.

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Tomorrow is my day off, time to PAAARRTAAAYYYY!! Or just take a bath with lavender essential oils. Either one.

Women who stare at horses

Yesterday I arose early for a family trip to the equine therapist, AJ! AJ is able to speak to the horses. She is a horse whisperer.

I know, when I first met her and found this out I was all like BULLSHIT.

But then I had an experience.

AJ’s horses are specially trained therapy horses, and the one we were working with had a stroke two years ago and was nearly put to sleep, until AJ took him under her wing.

We did an exercise where I walked along leading the horse, but with very little contact on the rope. I was told to choose two places along the walk to stop and allow the horse to stop beside me. But it felt like the horse was leading me, and when I stopped walking he would come around and stand in front of me with his body blocking me.

He was, apparently, trying to tell me that I have a fear of failure, that I would rather not try than risk failing, that I need to have more confidence in myself and that there is something blocking me from reaching my full potential….

Sheesh.

So naturally I started crying a little bit, I had no control over it, it was really awkward….. For me anyway, apparently at happens all the time at equine therapy…

I don’t cry very often so I was all like “SUCK IT UP YOU WEAKLING”. That horse pressed my buttons.

And then, I took him back to his stable, and took off his head collar, and then AJ said to me, you were feeling homesick weren’t you? Feeling unsettled? On Saturday?

Saturday was the day that I had the house to myself for about 8 hours, it was my day off and the others had gone out for the day. It was the first day since I left NZ last year that I had felt homesick.

THE HORSE READ MY MIND WHUUUUUUUT?

On a lighter note, that morning AJ had picked us up and the lady who is hosting us was to follow in her car. So we left, thinking she knew where she was going. We got there and ten minutes later had a call from her, mildly hysterical, saying she didn’t know where we were going and how could we leave her behind? Then she arrived and was really mad, everyone thought she was joking but I could tell she was quite serious, because I deal with it on the REG.

So she promptly informed us she was going behind the shed to scream and unleash her anger.

She scared the horses and the children, and me a little bit. It was like “Aaaaaahahhahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa” for a solid 5 minutes. So uncomfortable.

I felt thoroughly exhausted for the rest of the day, and had irrational hunger, the kind that is not stymied by nuts or bean dip. I’m convinced that it must be a good sign, that I am entering the hungry stage of detoxification, and that therefore I should eat all things I can get my hands on. Right?

Just another day in the life of Rosie, feel free to come and join me anytime. It’s super fun.

It tastes so bad, it must be good for you?

Hey guys! I have a really yummy recipe for you! Lol jks it’s disgusting. But I’m gonna give it to you anyway, just so you know what I’m going through.

It’s called… Drum roll… LIVER FLUSH!

Now I’m going to get all technical on you…

Best to drink first thing in the morning on an empty stomach, Liver Flush is a powerful little shot that supports the liver in excreting toxins and build-ups of other substances, such as recycled oestrogen, which could be the cause of your PMS ladies! I know. Why don’t they tell us these things. When your body has too many loads on it, the chemicals produced by the body itself (such as oestrogen or cholesterol) are put to the bottom of the priority list and recycled back into the blood for next time, hence, excess oestrogen and hormonal imbalance.

Liver health is essential for enabling your body to process and rid itself of such toxins that can build up over time from the food we eat, drinking alcohol and caffeine, the products we are putting on our skin and any medications we take.

If it is your first time doing a liver flush, I would recommend only having a small amount, perhaps diluted in water, because it’s stroooong stuff. As you become more familiar you can increase the amount.

Try to use organic or local produce where possible. If you have a Vitamix, it is wonderful for making a liver flush, otherwise a normal blender (it may not be quite as smooth a consistency). You can use the whole fruit of the lemon and grapefruit, you don’t need to take the rind off.

For One Person (Will last you a few days, particularly if you are only having a small amount):

1 lemon
½ Grapefruit (or another lemon)
1 inch cube ginger
50ml EV Olive Oil
1 clove garlic
½ chilli (birds eye/ scotch bonnet)
50-60 ml water

Throw it all in the Vitamix, blend for approx 1 minute, increasing the speed and using the variable until it has a smooth consistency.

Pour into small glasses. Bottoms up!

Storage: Put in a well sealed, air proof container and ensure there isn’t too much space left in the container, so as to reduce oxidisation.

I would recommend waiting an hour before eating anything else, otherwise there will be a lot going on for your digestive system. And maybe clean your teeth! No boys or girls will be wanting to kiss you after this. Trust me.

If you don’t have a Vitamix or blender (ie. If you are travelling), you can just chop all the ingredients up as small as possible and drink it that way. You will probably not need so much water, if any.

P.s. It’s 95 percent revolting. Go on, I dare you.

This morning for breakfast I had this and a green juice. At least I will never get PMS again, she says optimistically.

SO HANGRY.