Two months, one sprained ankle, half a munted wrist, 237 midgie bites and 6 unidentifiable bruises later….
I’m still alive. Just. Achill is doing it’s best to break me, or maybe I’m just a bit stupid.
Things I’ve learnt over the past two months, or rather, things I should have learnt but continue to ignore in the spirit of good craic.
1. Don’t wear flip flops to Achill Head, seediest and slipperiest nightclub I’ve visited in Ireland (that’s saying something). You will fall over. At least thrice.
2. A beverage titled ‘Green Poison’ is not for the consumption of little girls. The name fits.
3. Bicycling at 2am is not a good idea, even when sober.
4. It’s especially not good when there are as many potholes as there are on Achill.
5. You also should not choose a bike with no brakes. This is just a general life rule that we should all abide by.
6. Swimming on an Irish beach in the middle of the night is going to be cold. Fripply, even.
7. It’s going to be colder if you don’t wear any clothes.
8. When you live in a hostel, it’s impossible to escape people. They will be there when you try to dash from the shower to your room in only a towel. They will laugh and point. You will probably drop your knickers.
9. Showers are either very cold or they are satan water. It’s like roulette. There is no such thing as warm. Or maybe that’s just the Valley House..
10. Bedtime is 2am, no earlier. If you go to bed earlier, it will be an amazing night and you will have missed out.
11. Beach parties make your hair and clothes smell like fire for days. Baking soda does not remove this smell.
12. Holey clothes are okay so long as the holes are not in naughty places.
13. Yoga with a sprained ankle and bung wrist is a challenge, and one that I am willing to accept.
14. Old men like to watch young women do yoga.
14. French people don’t lock the toilet door when they are doing number twos. Even when in a hostel.
15. Kids smell and leave a lot of crumbs.
16. Midgies will follow you to bed and try to get in there with you. You do not want to sleep with midgies.
17. It’s perfectly acceptable to order vegetable soup everywhere you go, because it is always the cheapest thing on the menu.
18. Avocados and hummus are the holy grail of helpx. They will only last one day. Feast.
19. Despite best intentions, you will probably not get up at 7.30am to do yoga and drink green smoothies when you’re living on Achill.
20. It’s very alarming when you leave Achill and re enter normal society. People are loud and look at you like you’re homeless, especially when you pay for everything with tip money.
21. You probably DO need to shower. A sea swim probably doesn’t count.
22. Sun is rare. When it comes, take off most of your clothes and bask.
23. The island wakes at 11am.
24. Time really flies when you don’t wake until 11am.
25. Even really ugly Irish people are babes. I LOVE THEM ALL.