Detox Day One: Semi-Conscious, Fully-Hungry

‘Twas a dark and stormy night, and tensions were mounting in the household as we all prepared mentally and physically for the weekend ahead. Mungbeans were a-sprouting, nuts were a-soaking, kale was a-waiting to be eaten, shivering in the corner, crying “not my whole family!”, as we sliced and diced kale’s Uncle Cabbage. A vegetable rampage of sorts.

I was feeling excited, nervous, apprehensive, mostly at the thought of getting up at 4.30am to sit on a sheepskin and chant surrounded by people dressed in white. Apparently wearing white doubles the size of your aura! Fun fact of the day.

I didn’t put much thought into what we would be eating, because I assumed it couldn’t get too much healthier than what we were already eating on a daily basis. Right?

Wrong.

I’ll give you a wee run down on my morning, you guys are gonna be so jealous of all my activities. It’s like I’m back in play school, working with clay and painting rainbows. Except it’s not.

4:41am: awoken by Kayla’s freakishly cheerful face, pronouncing she is going to take a cold shower to really get involved! I promptly fall back to sleep.

4:45am: actual alarm goes off, i weep a little inside. I’m a 7.30am kind of girl, for those of you who don’t know me. This feels like the middle of the night.

5:01am: stumble upstairs to yoga sanctuary, wrap pink blankets around myself and huddle on a sheepskin. Begin chanting (and by chanting I mean bobbing my head and humming softly to the tune of others chanting).

5:30am: complete chanting, begin Kriya. Popping and locking my stomach muscles like it’s my JOB. Feeling strong and powerful.

5.45am: popping and locking still, growing tired, muscles becoming floppy.

6:15am: FAAAAAAH are we done yet?

6:30am: complete Kriya, begin singing. Don’t know what I’m singing, but I’m sure I sound beautiful. Probably some subliminal messaging weaving it’s way in with every line.

7:00am: EVERYBODY SHUT UP CAN’T YOU SEE I’M TRYING TO SLEEP OVER HERE?

7:30am finish singing. Energy restored from tactical mid-song nap. Head downstairs for Liver Flush, favourite time of day that.

9:00am I mix together gelatinous bentonite clay and psyllium husk with water until it’s gloopy and looks like what one would imagine elephant snot to look like. Down it in one, tis the only way. I chase with yogi tea, do not allow my taste buds to become active for a good 45 seconds post-chug. I pretend it is the vessel in a drinking game, and also pretend I am very drunk and cannot taste anything.

9:30am: force stems of organic celery, courgette and cucumber into rustic juicer machine, the machine becomes constipated with fibre and have to unblock. Perhaps a sign of things to come. I was quite looking forward to drinking my green juice, thinking it would be fruity and jazzy. I take an enormous sip with great gumption (and hunger). No. NO. That’s bad.

10am: Sleep in a dreamy, mildly sweaty state. Body is being very quiet, i sense it is the calm before the storm.

12pm: Could smash a pie!

More yoga soon, then a POTATO! I’m so excited!!!

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One thought on “Detox Day One: Semi-Conscious, Fully-Hungry

  1. Exhausted just reading it. I have never considered what elephant snot might look like before! Thanks for that Rosie xx

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